Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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