That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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