I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
