I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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