Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
