How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
