Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
