so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
