Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
