my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
