Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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