Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
