Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
