Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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