those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize