my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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