1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
