Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
