all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
