Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
