It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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