I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
