is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
