I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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