My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
