you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think people are normalizing furries
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
