No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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