Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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