come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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