Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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