I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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