sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize