No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
