he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
