All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize