the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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