I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
