I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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