He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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