Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
