haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
