well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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