Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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