I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
