i jhust puked up my retainher.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
