I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
