The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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