You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
