and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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