i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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