Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
