i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My dick has a subreddit
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
