he thought i was a dude.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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