someone get that fucking seahorse.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
