I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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