after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
