I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
that is very illegal...i love you.
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