my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
