If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
