I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
