Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My breasts were aching with rage.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize