Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
