I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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