Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he shaved USA in his pubs
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm at about main and main street
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
