Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
