I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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