are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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